Heart reset

I’ve always heard stories about women meeting men on vacation and having the most life altering sex or falling in love on vacation. I never understood it, I mean I knew it was always something that was possible but I could never really grasp how that happens, how you meet someone and are so caught up in a romantic setting that your feelings for them develop so quickly.

I guess, that’s also because I never actually went out of my way to meet someone while vacationing, it was never a goal for me because vacations for me have always been focused on spending time with and bonding with family. That has been my norm for as far back as I remember. Then you happened. How you even happened I don’t know.

I keep replaying the moments that led up to us meeting and they seem surreal to me. Surreal because for me, it’s rare that I connect with someone on every level – from being goofy to just being all out serious – where conversations flow so easily that you lose track of time until time smacks you upside the head. Yet here I am with you, caught up in chats about nothing and everything and the only thing I keep replaying is being at that place at that specific moment. Weird. This is all too weird for me to digest because how did this happen?

I remember seeing you from a distance and having to break eye contact. I never told you that. You said I smiled at you. I don’t remember that. I just remember trying to avoid looking at you and when I looked up again, you were gone, and there I was lost in a moment of – what the hell just happened. It was almost as if I had imagined you. But as I was deciding what to do with my life when everyone decided it was a good idea to have an after-breakfast nap, I found myself at the pool – the one place I thought would be empty and unfortunately, in direct line of you.

It was surreal. Surreal in the sense that I couldn’t escape how drawn I was to you. It was an almost attraction – and I knew it would be trouble. I moved myself from being directly visible to you and somehow, you still found a way to pull me in.

It all happened so quickly. So surprisingly quick.

We went from strangers to what felt like I’d known you forever in a few hours. That was it, the moment I knew that us vibing like that would be trouble, and did I decide it would be better to walk away from that? No. One would think that we’d known each other for ages, known about the attraction for ages. We didn’t, yet crazy enough our chemistry was just there. Intense, strong and a problem. A very big problem that would have made me late if I hadn’t left when I did.

I got into that space with you and remember instantly being nervous, trying to avoid looking at you and trying to keep my cool but – you didn’t even leave enough room for me to just avoid kissing you. That kiss is the reason why I wondered how you’d feel. How we’d feel. How heated it would be.

It was… the stuff you read about in novels, from the chemistry to the attraction and to all the annoying things you did in between. Now I’m scared, scared at how we underestimated this attraction, scared of not being in control, scared of being alone with you because you leave me breathless, whether that be with orgasms or whether we’re just talking.

I guess a part of me wonders now, how’d you manage to hook me into you so quickly and why can’t my lips seem to forget yours, why do I still avoid looking at you in the eyes, why can’t my mind erase you as easily as it could others, why can’t my body stop fiending for yours?

What did you do to me? What did I walk into? Trouble. That’s what. Trouble I should avoid, but I’m here and I just want to have fun with it.

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