DON’T APPROACH ME, IF YOU’RE NOT ABOUT PROTECTING ME

 

To be a woman, to exist in a world that hates you for just being born a girl. It’s exhausting. I wake up tired every single day wondering if I’ll be dealing with sexual harassment while I’m walking or even if I’ll make it home safely at the end of the day. To be a woman, to live in constant fear and still be expected to be fine with being approached. There is a disconnect.

 

It wasn’t long before someone accused me of being vain and reminded me that I’m not the desire of every man. I was promptly told that women act like no man is even worthy of their attention anyway and “you girls really have your heads up your asses. – @SadieWiggles

 

There is something about this statement that resonated so profoundly with me, because I don’t like being approached. It always puts me in a weird position because regardless of how I react in that situation, I will always end up being the bad person, it’s either I feel bad for saying no and not being interested in a specific guy or I’m a “bitch” for turning them down.

 

I’ve been in too many situations where the guy has approached me and turned around and spewed the most vile stuff simply because I declined his request to get my number or “get to know” me. It’s like a woman can’t just say “no” and have it end there, the crazy thing is that when these men get rejected and spew the unsavory things they do, you as the woman are supposed to act with poise and grace and take it. That in it’s entirety is the reason why most women don’t want to be approached by men or if they are approached have a “mean mug” and uncomfortable body language. Women have even resulted to walking around with earphones in because we don’t want to be in a situation where dealing with odious comments is all we can do; and because you are a woman, you are an easy target. Society (we) has (have) placed so many burdens on the shoulders of women and somehow still expects women to always maintain their composure. It isn’t fair. It isn’t fair to expect the weight of the world to be fixed entirely by women alone.

 

A woman can be a slut, a whore, a gold digger, or a bitch simply because she felt that she doesn’t want to give a specific guy her number. She can be considered a cock-block for ensuring that her friend doesn’t leave a club or bar without her. She is considered as being nosy and a “fun-sucker” when she refuses to just go with the flow and ensure that her and her friends are safe. That is what it’s like to be a woman. You have to constantly have your guard up around just about every single person – men especially – that you engage with. I used to prefer going out with guys, but the older I get the more hassles I seem to have to deal with as a result of that. Once upon a day dream a man would approach a woman and she could say no without having to give a thesis explanation as to why she is rejecting his request. Nowadays, a woman can’t even say no because she is fearful that her no could possibly end her life, as has been the case with so many women. I used to feel safe around guys – because in my little bubble they were a safe space, they were protectors and I never had to second guess them, then I was raped by one. A man I trusted, someone I cared about and I just didn’t even know how to handle it. I was intoxicated – and for a really long time I blamed myself. I blamed myself because I was intoxicated, but even in that – intoxication was not a justification for him to violate me.

 

Women feel like targets and guys don’t seem to understand that more often than not a woman reacts to certain situations because of her past experiences with other men. The reality is that men don’t call other men out, they sit back and watch. Instead of intervening and calling out other men about their blatant refusal to take no as an answer – they pretend as though they don’t see anything and then later justify it as “It’s not my place” or “I don’t know if he would attack me”. If this is the fear that most men live with, imagine what it feels like for a woman?

 

So, getting called a whore or bitch by different guys simply because you said “no” does eventually affect you and you will do what you feel is necessary, you’ll protect yourself, but dealing with all of this also brings forth the question, what kind of men are we surrounded by in this day and age, where a woman saying no begets such low-class behavior from men?

 

Are we at a point where men no longer hold women on the same level of respect as their mothers, grandmothers, aunts or sisters?

 

If it were another man speaking in that manner to any woman that you hold on the highest pedestal would you step in or allow him to continue speaking to her like that? “

 

I guess one thing I’m starting to see is that there aren’t enough men, calling other men to order for their
nauseating behavior. It has become socially acceptable to degrade women and still expect women to smile and wave like these things aren’t an issue.

 

It’s kind of a scary notion that men only seem to protect their own and don’t call other men to order. It makes no sense because that means you’re letting your precious daughters out into a world of hooligans that you see no need to chastise. – @SadieWiggles

 

It’s a cold sad world we live in, especially when you’re a woman.

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